Teleported by Nirvana

1st of Baldir 358

I could barely sleep last night. I was up very late trying to figure out my emotions. I didn't get to rest fully either; I woke up to the sounds of activity as the others prepared to leave the city. I should write out my thoughts about how I'm feeling...

Just... I can't seem to comprehend Åsmund is gone. Over the past week, I have gone back and forth to the shrine, acting like everything is okay. I sit there and talk to myself from sunrise until well into the night. I haven't been eating, maybe only a meal a day. Some nights, I don't even rest because I am trapped in my thoughts. Everyone has been busy as well so I'm going through these motions by myself. We finally gathered Ferryman last night and caught him up with everything, but otherwise, it's just been... very lonely. I'm not trying to isolate myself, either. I've been trying to keep busy. I go to the shrine, go to shops, spend time with the others, mainly Tenebrous over breakfast. I feel... a bit burnt out. And I keep forgetting that he is gone. When I'm at that shrine, when I'm alone at night, I can't help but think he is there with me. I find myself talking to myself at the dark of night like I am with him, laughing and feeling cheerful then I remember he's gone and it's like I lost him all over again. I'm trying to move forward, I'm trying to move on. I'm holding in a lot of anger, a lot of regret. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel. But, I feel like he wouldn't want me to be in this state and would want me to push on. So I keep pushing and I'll try to live up to what he saw in me. I just wish... I wish I could've gotten more time with him. I remember that final night together, I told him about my adventures, my friends. There are dry tear marks on this page.

I gave Fathom back his mask. I forgot to yesterday. He had it enchanted so he can change his appearance, he changed his face to having grey-blue eyes and a shadow, a human face. Everyone was discussing how to leave the city and where to go. Everyone was decided we should go to Cyric to warn Hornet. After some debate, Friend asked one of the members of the Order of Despair to teleport us out. Nirvana was her name, I believe. We didn't get to talk to her much, I suppose Friend explained it for us. She had braided white hair, blue irises with no pupils. She gathered us all together and I felt a woosh of wind as the scenery around us changed to what seemed to be a storage room.

Next journal →